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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26132962">Rurouni Kenshin Infomercial</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siriusfan13/pseuds/Siriusfan13'>Siriusfan13</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Originally posted under joint penname, Dumbledore'sDelight (SiriusFan13 and Zanaia523/ Frost Phoenix) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rurouni Kenshin, 爆れつハンター | Bakuretsu Hunters | Sorcerer Hunters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Humor, Crack, Gen, Infomercials, OOC, Parody, Screenplay/Script Format, out of character for humor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:42:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>487</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26132962</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siriusfan13/pseuds/Siriusfan13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The cast of Ruroken gets hired to do an infomercial for some workout equipment. Slight Sorcerer Hunters crossover as well. This is what happens when we get bored. Please review. By the way, we own nothing!</p><p>Co-written with Zanaia523/ Frost Phoenix as the entity Dumbledore'sDelight on fanfiction.net.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Originally posted under joint penname, Dumbledore'sDelight (SiriusFan13 and Zanaia523/ Frost Phoenix) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rurouni Kenshin Infomercial</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanaia523/gifts">Zanaia523</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: We own no rights to Ruroken, Sorcerer Hunters, Ginsu knives, or the real machine (Bo-flex).  For that matter, we don'town any rights to the little infomercial lines we're parodying either.  We're just having fun.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>The Rurouni Kenshin "Bow-Flex" Infomercial</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><strong>Himura</strong> <strong>Kenshin</strong>: Hey, Master.  Hiten Mitsurugi is a great way to work out, but how come your muscles are so much bigger than mine?</p><p><strong>Hiko Seijuro: </strong>(<em>flips cape over shoulders in cavalier manner)</em> Well, Kenshin, since you ask, I'll show you the secret of my pectoral success.  <em>(Whips funny-looking wooden object out from under cloak)</em></p><p><strong>Kenshin: </strong>Oro? (<em>momentarily wonders what else is under cloak)</em></p><p><strong>Hiko: </strong>I can see by your stunned expression that you've never seen one of these machines before.  Let me introduce you to: <strong>Bow Flex</strong>, a revolutionary new way to work out.  The Bow Flex gives you the complete workout of shooting down an entire army without the nasty side effects of pissing everyone off or having to clean up the blood.  Not that you ever worried about that, right, baka?</p><p><strong>Kenshin:</strong> Oro? <em>(eyebrow twitch, hand tightens on sakabatou as eyes flash amber)</em></p><p><strong>Hiko</strong>: <em>(ignores) </em>And unlike swords, Bow Flex works through tension and resistance to build beautiful muscles like mine.  <em>(flexes a few times)</em></p><p><strong>Gateau</strong>: <em>(pops up in audience, waving yen in the air) </em>I'll take two!</p><p><strong>Hiko: </strong> I'm not done yet. <em>(eyebrow twitch)</em></p><p>
  <em>(Multiple hands drag Gateau down)</em>
</p><p><strong>Kenshin: </strong><em>(gets up to take closer look at Bow Flex</em>)</p><p><strong>Hiko: </strong><em>(growling)</em> Bow flex offers a great cardiovascular workout as well.  It's great for chasing your baka deshi around when he <strong>touches your things!!!</strong> <em>(begins chasing a terrified Kenshin)</em></p><p>
  <em>(Screen flashes and Seta Soujiro pops up, smiling)</em>
</p><p><strong>Seta Soujiro:</strong> To try Bow Flex in your home for thirty days free, call 1-800-WE-HAVEN'T-INVENTED-PHONES-YET.  Our friendly staff...</p><p>
  <em>(flash to Juppengatana, looking armed and dangerous)</em>
</p><p>Will be waiting to beat you into submission--er--I mean, process your sale.  <em>(smiles)</em></p><p>And our sales representative...</p><p>
  <em>(flash to Shishio Makoto, holding flaming sword)</em>
</p><p>Will be available to show you what happens if you don't pay us--I mean... how to use your Bow Flex.  <em>(smiles again)</em></p><p>If you decide to keep the Bow Flex, or continue living, you only have to pay 1995 yen in three easy installments.  We would accept credit cards, except those also have not been invented yet, and therefore cannot be called in on our nonexistent phones, so you will be paying cash.  And if you call in the next two minutes, you will receive a free set of reverse blade Ginshu knives.</p><p>
  <em>(Flash to Saito Hajime)</em>
</p><p><strong>Saito Hajime:</strong> These things are useless.  You have all gone soft.  <em>(Goes into Gatotsu zero stance with regular Ginshu knife)  </em>Aku soku zan.  I'll show you how to really use one of these.</p><p>
  <em>(Flash to Kenshin, standing at cutting table with various fruits, vegetables, and a hammer)</em>
</p><p><strong>Kenshin: </strong>Oro? I thought <em>I </em>was doing the demonstration.  <em>(Notices Saito bearing down on him.  Eyes bug out and he begins running.)</em></p><p>
  <strong>THE END</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>(Flash to Marron and Tira, who is carrying a mallet, dragging Gateau offstage.)</em>
</p><p><strong>Gateau: </strong>But I want one... and I want him...</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Author's note:  Yup.  It's co-authored crack.  Thanks for reading.  If  you thought it was amusing, please review.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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